UNDERSTANDING SUBCONSCIOUS PATTERNS
Pattern of being the feisty one in the (romantic) relationship
Our parent’s marriage (relationship) is the biggest telltale of how our marriage (relationship) is going to turn out to be. So, let me tell you about Tia (pseudonym). Tia grew up seeing her parents have a fair mix of dynamics in their relationship. One thing that stood out for her was-
A->how her mother always had the habit of sulking and her father having to console her (Tia shared that after fights & arguments, her mother sulked for hours) and it would drain anyone to bring her mother back to a normal mood
B->her mother’s relationship with her mother-in-law (Tia’s paternal grandmother) where her mother was always made to feel less of/not good enough
A >> Now, Tia came to me talking about how much she hates being the fiesty one in her marriage and is sick of having to repeatedly work on her anger issues. Upon digging (ThetaHealing method where a series of questions are asked to interrogate in order to reach to a root cause, belief), we realised a multitude of issues-
->Growing up, Tia was over dominated by her mother which resulted in pent up anger and aggression towards her mother. She was controlled, suppressed and always constructively criticised by her mother. As a result of this kind of a childhood, she always felt “contained” and wanted to be a rebel. All of this was translating into her marriage.
->Tia was so sick of her mother being the fiesty one in the marriage (even though on many occasions her mother was right, but her aggression always made her look like a bad cop) that Tia decided that ‘I AM NEVER GONNA BE LIKE HER, SHE IS SUCH A TURN OFF’.
Now we all know, what we resist, persists.
Plus, Tia being a woman and seeing her parent’s otherwise successful marriage work ‘subconsciously’ took over her mother’s feisty role in her relationship.
Of course, she wasn’t as feisty as her mother and was a much mellowed down version of her mother but… she was feisty indeed.
Why?
Because she didn’t know any other way to be! She’d only grown up seeing one marriage so closely- her parent’s marriage so her subconscious mind took whatever cues it could from her mother as an ‘ideal’!
She only knew one way of witnessing marriages working- wife being grumpy and husband being the one to console.
Of course, Tia picked up on many other aspects of their relationship but she also picked out on the “worst”.
While we were speaking about this, it took her a few minutes of wrapping her head around how she had to unlearn everything she saw about their parent’s marriage and re-create a new understanding of marriage. She also needed to understand that her anger towards her mother was pushing her to be a lot more like her- what she resisted, persisted!
Once she started joining these pieces of her childhood & current life together, she understood how through regular conscious mindful efforts, she is going to have to unlearn and relearn how to be a calm, loving and a cool-headed wife! As of today, she’s taking mindful steps towards being Tia 2.0!
This has been possible only because she understood what subconscious beliefs were blocking her. Had she not figured this out, consciously she’d still be judging and beating herself up for being the fiesty one in the relationship.
B>> What Tia also worked on was how she was repeating/completing/fulfilling her mother’s pattern with her mil (mother-in-law).
Tia’s mother was one of the two daughter-in-laws of her mother-in-law. She (Tia’s Mom) was almost always overlooked, undervalued, taken for granted and not respected. Tia’s childhood went in witnessing her grandmother act mean to her Mom.
Now, as children we are unconsciously loyal to our parents- we want to take on their pain, continue their story so much so that some of us subconsciously create drama and choose painful situations just so that our life isn’t easier than our parents because it would feel like a betrayal. Consciously, this might sound ABSURD, hocus pocus and higgledy piggledy but only when you touch base with your subconscious mind will you understand! The moment Tia figured out that she was continuing her mother’s pattern, she decided to challenge all her beliefs that allowed her to manifest her “absurd” and weirdly similar situation with her mother-in-law. The interesting thing though was that Tia’s mother-in-law wasn’t even mean to her, she was simply not someone who would over encourage or appreciate or “show” love and adulation. But, Tia misunderstood this as her being not good enough for her mother-in-law because that’s what she grew up seeing!
Now that the beliefs have been shifted and new ones have been seeded in her subconscious, her conscious efforts and implementation of her “learnings” will result in a new reality. Sometimes, things like these shift within 1 week, sometimes 1 month, sometimes 1 year.
What does the time frame depend on, you wonder?
It depends on how well you implement the learnings.
So, the learnings are discussed and understood on a whole new scale in these healing sessions.
The problem will keep repeating itself until the lesson is learnt, period.
But, the moment the lesson is learnt, the problem vanishes and soon after when you think of what you went through… it feels like a distant memory, like another lifetime.
If you find these interesting, book in a session with me to understand how your subconscious mind rolls.
Love & Gratitude,
Sia (Aakansha)
Who is more feisty in your (romantic) relationship?
You
Your partner
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