In today’s day and age where conversations around feminism are at it’s peak, girls go through a new internal conflict of wanting to change their name post marriage (or not). It’s quite confusing for many because of what they have heard growing up-
Your last name will change post marriage.
If girls have heard something day in and day out growing up, being the hopeless romantics most of us girls are, we start fantasizing about these things. It becomes a fact of our life which most of us even wait for- finding a partner, then changing our last name to match his last name. This is triggering for some girls who kind of put up a debate to not change their maiden name. If they are successful in making this happen for themselves with little to no drama, they feel they have retained a big part of their identity.
For me, personally, I’ve always belonged to the school of thought-
What’s in a name?
I don’t attach my self esteem & ego (self image) to my name.
But, I do understand that girls who fight to keep their maiden name have actually something else going on in their subconscious mind. It’s a fight that’s put up to say
-> I’m marrying you but I am not going to change myself for you, I’ll change based on my level of comfort & liking,
-> I’m marrying you but I am still my own person. I’m not going to lose myself for you,
-> Fighting to not keep husband’s last name is a fight to say that just because I am your wife, doesn’t mean my life is over. I need myself, I love myself, I want to support my own dreams. Now the interesting thing is that the girls who change their name post marriage without retaliation probably either have never given these things a thought or grown up believing that a lot of changes will happen post marriage and I’m going to have to start over a new life; which in turn prepares them for “the big change”. Other girls however change their name knowing that even if they no longer carry their maiden name, they can still be themselves because… What’s in a name? No one is right, no one is wrong. It’s not about right or wrong anyway. It’s actually about what as girls we choose to believe. This system of girls leaving their maiden name behind is actually a very age old concept the intent behind which was -
Because men were hunters, food gatherers, money makers, breadwinners and women were nurturers and responsible for putting together and turning a piece of land/house into a home, women got married and moved into a man’s house to turn it into a home. Of course, at some point they would have children so to synergise it all and appear as ONE SINGLE UNIT, surnames were taken on to avoid any confusion. (Un)Fortunately, some people take this personally and take it as an attack on their identity but it actually is not.
But holding compassion in my heart, I admit that women have not had it easy over the years with the patriarchy being at its ALL TIME HIGH. So I guess wanting to fight for their own name flows naturally through many girls. My only request to those girls is that Marriage is not a threat to your identity; It was never supposed to be; Marriage was, is and will be about companionship, love and starting a family as a SINGLE UNIT, no surname dividing the two. These days husband’s take on their wife's last name too and make a common surname out of it which I feel is refreshing, heartwarming and soon going to be even more common perhaps ;-) Before starting your divine compatible soulmate hunt, check your beliefs around marriage because many many many people are carrying way too many limiting beliefs (negative) around marriage. Girls (and guys) who are in a relationship and are planning to graduate to the level or marriage should also have their beliefs checked to find if there’s anything that’s limiting them. Marriage is fun, it is beautiful. Girls, find a man who is your divine compatible soulmate and loves and cherishes you for who you are so that your mind doesn’t wander to the realm of… <Why should I change my name for you?> If you manifest your divine compatible soulmate, you will see that he accepts you fully and profoundly as a result of which your mind will go into the realm of… <Honestly, what’s in a name ANYWAY ;-) All I care about you & I being a TEAM now and forever >
Love & Light, Sia
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