Let’s understand the workings of our mind through criticism, acceptance, forgiveness and self discovery.
I once worked with a woman, let’s call her Aisha, who was finding it hard to forgive a bunch of people in her life. She confessed being overly critical of them. Otherwise a fairly balanced person, Aisha was someone who understood the true meaning of forgiveness.
“Forgiveness doesn’t mean a person who has hurt you has their karmas washed off as a result of your forgiveness; they are still held accountable for their actions.
Forgiveness is just relieving yourself from the hurt the other person has caused you so that you can live freely.
Forgiveness is no longer allowing the person (who is the cause of your pain) to live rent-free in your mind. Forgiveness is for self, not for the offender.”
-Sia
Role of Acceptance in forgiveness
Acceptance is the first step on the path of forgiveness. If you do not accept people for who they are, you will not be able to step into the vibration of learning. It’s futile to think of the positive lessons a person or situation has taught us unless and until we accept people and situations as is. And it is almost impossible to forgive a person if you do not understand what they were teaching you. I know some people who do an emotional bypass and jump straight to ‘forgiveness and letting go’ MODE because holding onto ‘feelings’ and thinking about ‘learnings’ is too much for them. These people are good at letting go but not at forgiveness.
Aisha, despite being clear on the importance of forgiveness was unable to fully let go and accept a few people she really needed to in order to feel at peace and ease.
When I started digging her subconscious mind, you’d be shocked at what I unveiled. I asked Aisha to think of the worst case scenario if she could just accept those who had hurt her so that she could focus on the learnings and eventually forgive them in order to move forward in life;
to which she said-
“If I accept these people, I will have to stop criticising them which will result in me loving them too much
and
then
they will do something to hurt me AGAIN.
I am a very loving person and I want to only love and love but these people… they will take advantage of me and walk all over me, all over again.It’s just too much to handle and it sucks.”
Now, Aisha needed to be taught how to-
-> Love without conditions (and expectations)
-> Love with healthy boundaries
-> Accepting doesn’t mean agreeing. We can accept people and situations and not agree with them or deem them as ‘correct’ and ethical.
-> Acceptance simply means knowing that… IT IS WHAT IT IS !!!
-> Accepting people for who they are doesn’t mean that we are obligated to love them. We can accept people and feel neutral towards them.
-> We are not obligated to shower oodles of love on every person in our life. Some relationships exist to teach us neutrality and balance.
Full Disclosure: Aisha was not a critical person in general but towards her offenders she went all guns blazing. She spoke about how her mind was always in ‘fault finding mode’ towards these people. Since this wasn’t who Aisha authentically was, this habit of destructive criticism towards her offenders was majorly weighing her down.
{Note: In Aisha’s case, her offenders were her closest friends and were operating from an unconscious mindset. There was no abuse or trauma involved. What Aisha and I worked with was- emotional pain, expectations being let down and misunderstandings.}
You see how criticism works for some people?
It protects them from accepting people in their life;
which in turn protects them from loving too much;
which in turn protects them from feeling disappointed and heartbroken.
Healing happens in layers because our emotions and beliefs are all stocked and stored in layers.
One wouldn’t fully grasp the workings of their mind unless they sit with it.
To fully tune in with your authentic self means-
> Disconnecting with the group consciousness, meaning, societal beliefs and rules of how we “should be” and what we “should do”
> Stop seeking validation on the outside
> Focussing on self love, self care and self validation
> Being kind to those around you understanding while you are on this self discovery path
> Self Love doesn’t mean becoming self centered and ignorant. A lot of people become self centered and mask that as self love, etc.
> Journal, journal and then journal some more. But also, what you journal must be discussed with your Coach/Healer. Never underestimate the power of a professional guiding you. Healers and Coaches like me spend countless hours studying the mind and understanding creative new ways to heal their clients.
Book sessions with me to walk on this self discovery path. I assure you that once you start working with me, you’ll think to yourself,
“I wish I started this sooner.”
I say this ‘cause I hear this statement a lot :-)
With humility, love & light,
Sia (Aakansha)
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